by Matt Bourque
Main Characters

ROCK ON! Wes McGrath:
The main character. Works at Cheap-Mart, and is a guitarist and lead singer in his own band, STD. He's crude, horny, the only one of the guys who's good with the ladies, he drinks, chain-smokes, swears . . . he's just cool.



The big nerd. He's a goober! A goober, I tell ya!Gerry Thomas:
The nerd. The great big nerd. Shy, insecure, wears glasses so thick you can't even see through 'em. Basically, the kid you beat up in grade school. He lives with Wes and Darren.



Look at him, waving his hands around like that. Is he dancing, or surfing? It is a mystery. Phil Gibson:
Wes's best friend, lives across the hall. Sort of a "regular" guy, but he's in love with 80's music (Men At Work, Christopher Cross, INXS, The Pretenders, The Police . . . EVERYONE BUT GENESIS!!!



Butter ball. Ollie Edgars:
The new roommate. He's . . . well, he's fat. And sort of jolly, I guess. Jolly fat guy. Yeah.



You got a problem wit' dat? Bernard Goldman:
Acts like a black guy. Goes for the whole black image: FUBU wardrobe, shaded glasses, corn-row hair. Listens to gangsta rap and hip-hop, all that shit. Calls himself "Burnah." Refers to himself in the third person. He's Jewish.



That's right. Aww yeah . . . Darren Perry:
The recluse, the eccentric. Almost never leaves his room. Almost never without a cigar. Where Wes is cool for his attitude, Darren (called "Blank" by his friends) is simply cool.



FIRE! WATER! BUUUUUURN! Gnat:
Lead guitarist in Wes' band. Pot-head. Makes his own drug blends. Hyperactive. Has ADD. Embodies just about every irresponsible impulse there is. Thinks of only three things: music, gettin' high, and the women.



What evil lurks in the heart of the womens? Katrina knows. Katrina Davis:
A big bitch. Her and Wes used to go out, but not anymore.



Who's she trying to fool with her 'cute widdle me?' act? Sierra Owens:
Works with Wes at Cheap-Mart. Sort of has a crush on him. Gerry sort of has a crush on her.



You go, girl! Put your hips into it! Suzie O'Connell:
Drummer in Wes' band. Essentially a female version of Wes.






Minor Characters


2+2=5 Kelly Simmons:
Wes's girlfriend. She's a ditz. An easy ditz with big boobs.



Bald? What are you talking about? Lloyd Girly:
Wes's boss at Cheap-Mart. Anal, over-protective of his job, and wishes Wes were never born.






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The Funny Papers!
The Funny Papers!